Some Days Are Harder Than Others

February 27, 2012 by · 1 Comment

Some days I have a lot of energy. Some days I don’t.

While I was on FMLA, I had the luxury of resting, lounging, or sleeping as much as I needed to. Being back at work doesn’t allow me to follow my body’s cues when I’m needing to rest. If I push myself at work, that means I pay the consequences at home.

I got to work just after 8. By about 1pm, I was SO tired. I had eaten a light lunch of minced up deli turkey with some melted Laughing Cow cheese. I didn’t even finish half of it before I got shaky and nauseous. I ran to the restroom and lost my lunch. When I returned to my desk, I was dizzy and lightheaded. I figured my blood sugar was too low, so I had a few sips of juice and water. Five minutes later, I lost that too. I didn’t feel safe enough to drive home, so I sat back in my chair and tried to get my bearings. I left shortly after.

Because I wore myself out so much, I easily fell asleep and took a 3 hour nap. When I woke up to eat, I had a hard time keeping down soup. I had a hard time keeping down water. I felt too tired to do anything but lay in bed and be on my computer a little bit. As the night has dragged on, my body has broken out into hives. This is the 3rd time it’s happened since surgery, and all three times have been on days I’ve overdone it.

In an attempt to avoid reckless vomiting and widespread rashes, I REALLY need to listen to my body and stop before I’m too worn out. I’m trying to work myself (slowly) back to full time hours, but I really can’t handle more than 4-5 hours without rest. I have the option to work some hours from home, but by the time I get in bed to nap, my mind is gone for the night.

Food diary:

  • 2 oz Light yogurt
  • 3 oz Protein shake
  • Deli turkey and Laughing Cow wedge (lost it)
  • 1 oz Pomegranate Blueberry Trop50 (lost it)
  • 2 oz cream of vegetable soup
  • 2 oz marinara sauce, cooked mushrooms and melted cheese
  • 1 TB peanut butter
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Down A Dress Size

February 26, 2012 by · 3 Comments

nicole little black dress

When it comes to non-scale victories (NSV) this week, I had two. I fit into a pair of jeans a size down (24, instead of 26 or 28) and I fit into this black dress than hasn’t fit me well for over a year and a half. It’s a size 22, and I was wearing dresses (with stretchy elastic) in size 26. I was still self-conscious about my tummy bulge in it; but, I look forward to being down a little bit more so I can fit into the largest size of Spanx.

I posted this photo on Facebook, and got a flood of positive comments. It really made my day! I don’t think I’ve ever got 80+ “likes” on a photo. Ever. I’ve also been getting random friend requests and message from friends-of-friends saying that they are “inspired” by my story. Every time I hear positive feedback, it makes me happy that I decided to publicize my journey.

nicole bullockToday was a busy Sunday for my extended family. My cousin Jayna’s adoption was finalized this week, and she was blessed in sacrament meeting today. It was also another cousin’s missionary homecoming. They were held within minutes of each other, and I had to zoom across the valley to catch Elder Parry’s report. I knew I’d be exhausted today, so I laid in bed for most of the morning so I’d have energy for the festivities.

After the meetings were over, my aunt and uncle hosted a luncheon in honor of my cousin. They always put on a great spread, but it was hard to pass up the stuff I love like fresh veggie trays and croissant sandwiches. Instead, I got a scoop of chicken salad, a little bit of cheeseball and ate it with a few wheat thins. My aunt makes delicious mint brownies, and I had a hard time taming my sweet tooth. I took the tiniest chunk piece on the place (about 1in by 0.5in), licked off the mint frosting, and let the fudge melt in my mouth. I didn’t eat the actual brownie, but it was nice to get the taste of a favorite dessert.

I sputtered out around 4pm (after 5 hours of family fun) and went home. I got straight into my pajamas and rested all evening. It’s frustrating to be completely drained of energy like this, but I know that adequate rest is key to my recovery. I need to be patient with myself, even when it’s not fun. I’m hoping to get up to 6 hours of work per day this week.

Food diary:

  • Light yogurt
  • Half a string cheese stick and a few pieces of deli meat
  • 3 TB of chicken salad, 3 crackers, and some cheese spread
  • Mint topping off of a brownie
  • Sauce, cheese, and a meatball off a leftover Subway sandwich
  • 3oz apple juice
  • Protein shake made with coconut milk and Syntha 6 mix
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Pushing The Limits

February 25, 2012 by · 2 Comments

nicole and rosie bullock

This has been a great week, but it’s been EXHAUSTING. Not only have I been back to work, my husband went back to work, so I’ve had to start doing more things independently. I’m still trying to figure out what my body is capable at this point, both in activity and the foods I can eat.

This week I worked 18 hours over 4 days, meaning I worked 4-5 hours each day. Some days were easier than others, but I always left the office as fatigue set in. I had just enough energy to drive home, climb my 3 flights of stairs to my apartment, and get in bed. Every day after work I took a 2-4 hour nap to recover. But I’ve never been one to sit still too long, so I tried to get out and do something every evening. By the time I got home, I was so tired that I skipped the blog posts and went straight to sleep.

I’m trying to work my way up to “legitimate exercise” by walking more in general. As I crunch numbers in my head, 400-600 calories a day doesn’t seem like it’s enough for me to be consuming if I’m exercising. But it’s hard to eat more than that, and I want my body to tone up, so I’m trying to add in walking wherever I can. Because it’s frigid in Utah, I usually do my walking in stores and malls.

venous stasis dermatitisOne thing that’s been frustrating this week is my skin. I have VERY itchy skin around my surgical incisions. The scars are healing nicely, but they are so itchy! I’ve had eczema since childhood, so rashes are not uncommon for me, especially since I’ve been stressed and have been pushing myself to get back into normal life again. I’ve broken out into hives a few times, and have gotten this nasty rash on my feet. I already have problems with venous stasis dermatitis, but this looks and feels different. I’ve been wearing my compression stockings daily and have tried to use the right ointments, but nothing seems to work right. Maybe I’m pushing myself too hard? Thank goodness for Benadryl!

Today’s food diary:

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Laughing Cow Cheese Queso Dip Recipe

February 25, 2012 by · 3 Comments

laughing cow queso dipLaughing Cow Cheese Queso Dip

  • 4 wedges Laughing Cow Light Queso Fresco and Chipotle Cheese
  • 1 cup of your favorite salsa

Unwrap the cheese wedges and place them in a small bowl. Microwave for about 30 seconds and then stir. Cheese should be warm and melted. Add salsa to the melted cheese and stir.

Serves 4. Each serving has 49 calories, 2g fat, 408mg sodium, 5g carbohydrates, 1g fiber, 1g sugar, 3g protein.

Earlier this week I got a fun gift pack from The Laughing Cow.  The box included a wheel of Queso Fresco and Chipotle cheese, some salsa, baked blue corn chips, and the above recipe. Other than the chips, it’s perfect for the post-op food stage I’m in.

I whipped it up for a party I attended last night, and it was very tasty. It was nice to make a recipe to bring to a party so I was guaranteed to have something I was able to eat. I’m glad I did, because the rest of the party was cupcakes, fresh veggies, and potato and tortilla chips, all of which I couldn’t eat. I did take a few nibbles of the blue corn chips as I ate the dip, and was happy to see it didn’t make me sick at all. Bypass-friendly recipes FTW!

 

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2nd Day Back To Work – Post-Op Day 15

February 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Day 2 back to work was actually more exhausting than yesterday. I felt more tired and had a harder time concentrating. I planned to work a half day, but had a mandatory meeting at 1pm, so I stayed longer than I really had energy for. By the time I got home, I was totally tuckered out. A long nap was necessary.

jack daniels bbq chickenToday’s lunch was so yummy. One of my favorite items from Costco is the Jack Daniel’s pulled BBQ chicken in the refrigerated section. It’s nice and tender, and easy to eat post op. I melted some cheese on top, and it was a great meal. For dinner, my husband made chicken curry, which was also delicious. I had a tiny bit of rice with it, and didn’t have any problem tolerating it.

Food Diary:

  • Light yogurt
  • 1 TB peanut butter
  • 1 oz Creminelli Mocetta
  • 2 oz Simply Apple juice
  • Muscle Milk light shake
  • 2 oz pulled chicken and cheese
  • 2 oz chicken curry with rice
  • A few sips of hot chocolate
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Back To Work Today

February 21, 2012 by · 6 Comments

Nicole Bullock seo.com

Well folks, it’s been two weeks since surgery which means FMLA is over. I’ve been nervous about going back to work because my energy levels vary from day to day, and two weeks was on the short end of my doctor’s recommended time off. But since I’m not a benefits-eligible employee, the time off has been unpaid. Pre-surgery deposits to the doctor and hospital + 2 weeks off work = VERY BROKE Nicole.

Luckily, my work is computer-based, seated at a desk, so it’s not physically taxing. I work for an internet marketing firm, and my work is usually broken up in 15-60 minute sections, so it was good for my post-op attention span. Anyone who tells you that you think normally after two weeks of sitting around on drugs is lying to you.

I was able to work from 8:00 until about 12:20, and then gave in to my fatigue. I came home, had some lunch, and then took a 2 hour nap.  I took it easy the rest of the day. In the evening, my friend Esther came over to hang out and hear about my surgery. We watched some TV, chatted, and talked a lot about weight loss and the changes that are necessary for a successful weight loss surgery experience.

With all of the unsolicited advice I’ve been getting since I announced my surgery publicly, it was nice to talk to a friend where I don’t have to explain the choices I’m making, especially regarding food. I have had countless people tell me that what I’m eating is wrong, that eating so few calories will kill me, that they know more about my body than my doctor does, or to watch one food documentary or another. I appreciate that people are trying to be helpful, but when I get dozens of opinions a day, it gets really exhausting. I am mindful of the foods I’m eating, and my body is no longer “normal” for regular nutritional advice. I’m going to listen to my doctor and my nutritionist, thank you very much.

poor girls pina colada

Another thing that’s hard is trying to tame my wild sweet tooth. I used to eat a lot of candy and pastries, and I often want something sweet in my mouth. The taste of sugar-free Jell-o is wearing on me, so I’m always looking for ways to have a treat that’s compatible with my diet. My husband brought home some of this Silk Coconut Milk the other day. It was good, but not enough on it’s own. I pour about 3 ounces of coconut milk over ice, and add a splash or two of Torani sugar-free peach syrup. It’s delish!

I call it the coco-peach delight, he calls it the “poor girl’s pina colada. Either way, it’s tasty.

Food Diary

  • Half of a frozen yogurt creamie
  • About 1/2oz of deli meat
  • Heaping tablespoon of peanut butter
  • Chopped BBQ chicken with melted cheese
  • 2 TB of hummus
  • 2 oz of Trop 50 blueberry pomegranate juice
  • 1 oz of fresh fruit, chopped into little bites
  • Melted shredded cheese
  • Coco-peach delight

 

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Pushing Myself on President’s Day

February 20, 2012 by · 1 Comment

nicole bullock braids

Today is President’s Day, which meant that I postponed my return to work by a day for the Federal holiday. If nobody was going to be in the office, I surely wasn’t going to be. I spent a fair amount of time going through paperwork and crunching numbers though. I’m trying to figure out my flexible spending amounts for reimbursement and for tax purposes. It’s ridiculous how many medical expenses I had last year. Just in prescriptions with $5-15 copays each, I paid $585 out of pocket. I’m hoping with this surgery and my improving health that my medical expenses will drop dramatically.

Taylor and I went and did some shopping today. I wanted to get a new neoprene lunch bag for work that would fit ice packs. While I was out, I also got some cute little square bowls that hold less than 3 ounces…perfect for portioning out my meals. When I’m served food on a big plate, it’s really easy to overeat. And when I overeat, even just a bite or two, it makes me sick.

I also perused through the clothes racks, and found a shirt I really liked that was on sale for $5.99. Now, many people on the weight loss surgery forums tell me not to buy new clothes while I’m dropping weight rapidly, because it ends up being a big waste of money. For $6, I don’t mind shrinking out of it in a few weeks. I grabbed a 2X and a 3X sized shirt and went to try them on. The 3X was too baggy, and the 2X was only a tiny bit tight, so I went for the 2X. It was fun to buy a shirt in a size smaller than usual.

We did a little more shopping, had some lunch, and went back to the house for a while. I went back to working through all those medical receipts…what a hassle. I also had to call my insurance to reprocess a bunch of claims (including my $42K hospital bill). Cigna thinks I have other insurance, and they’re continually denying claims as “deficient” because they want another plan to pay first. It’s been happening over and over for dozens of claims over the last year. I wish Cigna would get their act together.

farberware resin knife set

While I was working though the piles of paperwork, I got a knock at the door. Taylor had ordered me a new set of resin knives as a Valentines Day gift. With all the portioning and food preparation, and nice new set of knives tickled my fancy more than flowers or other gifts. If you haven’t noticed from the knives, bowls, and lunch bag, I love bold and fun colored items. With all the years of weight loss attempts, I’ve worn a lot of black. I hope to get into more bold and fun colored clothes as I lose weight.

In the afternoon, we went back down to Lehi for family movie time. My husband, daughter, dad, and brother went to see Star Wars Episode I in 3D, and my mom and I saw The Vow. I can’t remember the last time I went out to see a movie with my mom, and it was nice to have time with her.

Between shopping and movie time, I was a very exhausted girl by the early evening. We had Del Taco for dinner, and I had the insides of a chicken soft taco (sauce, chicken bits, and cheese). I felt like it was an acceptable portion, but chicken is still hard for me to eat. I immediately felt like I overate, and was very uncomfortable for over an hour. I wretched a few times, but was able to keep down my dinner. It’s so hard to know what foods I’ll be able to tolerate. I need to get enough protein, but meat is tough to keep down.

Tomorrow I’m back to work, and my goal is to make it through a half day. With my FMLA orders, I’m allowed to work a few reduced hour days before going back to my normal schedule. Hopefully I’ll feel up to it….tonight I’m so tired that I’m probably going to be asleep by 9:30.

Food diary:

  • A few sips of a protein smoothie
  • 1 wedge light Laughing Cow cheese
  • meat and cheese from part of a cheeseburger
  • heaping tablespoon of peanut butter
  • 2oz of light chicken and veggie soup
  • insides of Del Taco chicken soft tacos
  • 4 oz Coco-peach drink (Silk Coconut milk with sugar-free Torani peach syrup)

 

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In A Fight With My Body

February 19, 2012 by · 7 Comments

feeling rotten

If I’ve learned anything since I’ve had surgery, it’s that my body has a mind of it’s own. Some days are trouble-free, other days make me want to curl up and cry myself to sleep. Today was one of the latter days.

With a vomit-free week and a half after surgery, I was feeling confident that my body was healing and ready for new foods. But even though certain foods are on the list as acceptable for the post-op phase I’m in, it doesn’t mean I’ll be able to keep them down.

This morning was particularly horrid. It started out with liquid diarrhea, which has been pretty common since I started moving my bowels post-op. For breakfast, I had some egg whites with cheese, but was still a little hungry. So my husband heated up some lean turkey sausage links. I cut them up in little bits, but they were very dry. I ate them with some gravy, but it was still hard to stomach. I waited a few minutes to have a sip of water, then the pain began.

It almost always begins in my back for some reason. My spine and back muscles ache, and I want to hunch over. Then I get the feeling like I’ve been punched in my upper gut, and I start releasing funny burpy noises. Some of the food regurgitates up, and I feel like the only thing that will help me feel better is a good burp. And when I get that burp, my mouth starts watering profusely, and I know I’ve got about 10 seconds before I’m going to vomit.

The last two days when I vomited (applesauce and chicken), it was a quick, fairly painless process. I don’t get the yucky bile taste like I used to, since I’m basically emptying the contents of my stomach pouch in reverse. But today, I kept heaving and wretching. And with each wretch, I lose bladder control. Nothing like puking and peeing your pants at the same time. Because it happened in bed, I got to wrap up in my daughter’s cute flamingo sheets while the others were washed.

All of this happened around the time that I was supposed to be getting ready for church. I decided to let my husband and daughter go without me, which was good because I was miserable and nauseous. About 10 minutes after they left, I sipped some water….and lost it a few minutes later. The wretching was even worse this time, so I decided to let my body settle a bit and take some liquid Lortab. I yakked it up almost immediately. At that point I was in pain, wretching, dehydrated, hungry, and ready to take a nap.

After the nap, I felt significantly better. I was able to keep down some lunch, walk around the house a bit, shave my legs, and take more Lortab. But even 7 hours later, I’m still kinda weak and achy. We went to my parents’ house in Lehi for dinner, which was tacos. I had a bit of refried beans, and melted some cheese on the “taco meat.” This “taco meat” was previously prepared ground turkey, frozen and reheated. It was super dry, even with the cheese oils, and I didn’t think I could keep it down. But I moved to a more comfortable chair, relaxed, and let it digest a bit. Despite the discomfort, I was able to keep it down.

Before I left my parents’ house, I hopped on their scale. Tonight I weighed in at 352.0, which is down 3.3 pounds from last Monday. This means I’ve lost 12.3 pounds since surgery, and a total of 21.3 pounds since I started the pre-surgery diet. I’m not really noticing a difference in my clothes yet, but I definitely can see it in my face. There’s a lot more definition in my face, and my cheeks are much less puffy. I wonder how much different I will look once I’ve dropped, 50, 100, or even more weight. I can’t wait until my collarbones show up…I always liked my collarbones. 🙂

Tomorrow is my last day at home before I go back to work. Hopefully I will be able to keep down all my food and not wear myself out too much before returning to the office. I’m going to get a nice new insulated lunch bag tomorrow so I can bring the foods I need to work. I don’t know how many hours I’ll be able to handle this week, but luckily I’ve got a few days to work back up to my normal hours.

Today’s food diary

  • Egg whites and cheese with bits of lean turkey sausage (lost it)
  • Sugar-free fat-free vanilla pudding (lost it)
  • 2 oz of frozen yogurt
  • Hummus, salami, and melted havarti cheese
  • Sauteed baby portobella mushrooms
  • “Taco night” with my parents – melted cheese over ground turkey with refried beans (almost lost it)
  • Melted mexi-blend shredded cheese
  • 2 strawberries
  • Silk coconut milk drink with sugar-free peach syrup
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Trying To Have A Normal Day

February 18, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

nicole bullockWhen recovering from surgery, a lot of time is spent lounging around the house in pajamas. After so long, you want to get out of the house and just be “normal.” You don’t want to be in your pajamas with your hair in a ponytail. You don’t want to spend hours on end watching “Desperate Housewives,” even though I’ve enjoyed the 80ish episodes I’ve watched while on medical leave. You want to get dressed, do your hair, wear a cute outfit, and get out of the house with your family.

It’s a Bullock Family thing to see movies. We see dozens of movies in the theater every year. Movie time is our favorite thing, but after watching so much TV, I wanted to go out and do something different. I suggested the new Natural History Museum of Utah, and my husband and daughter thought it would be a fun thing to do.

The new NHMU has only been open for a few months, and it’s a really cool place. It was greatly funded by Rio Tinto and is located up next to Red Butte Gardens at the University of Utah,. It’s 5 levels of interactive displays, exhibits, and education on natural life through history in Utah.

Although there were stairs and elevators through the museum, it’s largely a walking facility. You circle and walk through the exhibits, go up ramps, and make it around level by level. For a normal person, it takes over an hour of wandering to get through all of the levels. But I am not a normal person right now. I had major surgery a week and a half ago, and I don’t have the same tolerance for activity and exercise. I had to stop and sit every once in a while.

But I pushed myself and made it through the whole museum. I was able to do a lot more than I thought I could, and I probably burned as many calories as I consume in half a day post-surgery. Not only was I tired, I was ravenously hungry by the time we were done.

Because we were up at the U of U, I wanted to take my family to my second favorite food joint by the U. My favorite is The Pie Pizzeria, but it’s off limits. We went to a little place called Sono Express that I used to eat at often when I was a student at the U. It’s still around, and the owners are the same…but the food is NOT the same. I ordered chicken bento, which used to be a bento box with teriyaki chicken, miso soup, salad, veggies, and a California roll. Instead, I was served a plate of rice, breaded fried chicken, and a little bit of cooked veggies.

I was so frustrated when it was a completely different thing than I was used to. I haven’t eaten there in about 6 years, and I’m guessing the economy has taken it’s toll on the family-run restaurant. But I was hungry, and decided to make the best of it. I used my fingers and fork to break off the thick breading on the chicken, but I couldn’t get all of it off. I ate some of the chicken, and the cooked carrots, squash, and mushrooms with a few sips of water. But it only took a few minutes before I was uncomfortably full. I could tell my pouch was too full, and I started getting some wet burping and regurgitation. But the time we got out to the car, I vomited into a styrofoam cup. It was gross, but I felt much better.

On the way home we stopped at Costco for some meat and fresh produce. But I was already tried from all the walking at the museum, so I had to stop walking and sit down about 20 minutes in. The only place to sit was at the Costco snack bar, where giant portions of pizza, chicken bakes, pretzels, and other convenience foods were served. I used to LOVE getting a slab of Costco pizza, and it’s funny how now the portions seem so gigantically inedible. Weight loss surgery changes your perspective on food so much….especially things that you used to love, and can no longer stomach.

When I got home, I was bushed. I laid down and took a 3 hour nap. I was still tired for the evening, so I’ve been laying in bed, blogging and watching more Desperate Housewives. It was fun to get out and have a “normal day” with my family, but I now know I need to be more realistic with what my body can do. I go back to work on Tuesday, and hope I won’t end the days being fantastically exhausted.

Today’s food diary:

  • Egg whites, cheese, and sliced deli turkey
  • 1/2 string cheese
  • De-breaded chicken, carrots, mushrooms, and squash (which I lost)
  • Thinly sliced Creminelli salami, with 2 fresh strawberries
  • 3oz Hood Calorie Countdown chocolate milk
  • Sugar-free fat-free vanilla pudding

 

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Post-Op Day 10 – Applesauce, Hiccups, and Progress

February 17, 2012 by · 3 Comments

I have to admit, it’s really nice to be able to report good news. I felt like I really had some downer posts at the beginning of the week, both with Weighty Impressions and my post-op pneumonia. I’m starting to see a little indent in my cheek…can you see it?

Not everything is hunky dory though. I vomited today. It’s the first time since I’ve had surgery. I’m cleared to eat fresh fruit, but it’s not digesting so well. My tiny watermelon chunks come out like mashed watermelon, even though they are well chewed. I was craving applesauce, and had a bunch of apples that needed to be used, so I decided to make my own. I peeled, cored, and chunked 10 apples, and pureed it with cinnamon and vanilla extract. It came out delicious, and I had about 2 tablespoons. Unfortunately, I lost it within 5 minutes. I need to be careful to limit my sugar intake, including fructose (fruit sugar). Maybe my body will be ready for it in a few weeks.

I went to Cafe Rio for lunch, and was happy to eat my beloved pork barbacoa without any problems. Really body…pulled pork over fresh applesauce?

One of the worst things I’ve dealt with since surgery is the hiccups. It happens up to 10 times a day, and it’s usually from drinking water too fast. When I get them, it feels like my insides are being ripped apart, which is not cool after abdominal surgery. I found out that a spoonful of peanut butter helps better than any other remedy, but I have to be careful to not eat too much. Yesterday I uploaded this video to YouTube.

I took my measurements again today, and I’m exciting to see there’s progress beyond the pounds. Nothing drastic, but enough to make a difference. Here are my new measurements, compared to 2/2/12:

  • Neck – 16.25 (16.75)
  • Bust 51.75 (52)
  • Chest 46 (46)
  • Upper bulge 51 (53)
  • Waist 48.5 (49)
  • Hip/butt 60.5 (62)
  • Thigh 33 (34)
  • Calf 22.25 (23)
  • Ankle 11.5 (12.5) – and so much less swollen looking!
  • Bicep 18.5 (20)
  • Lower arm 14 (14.5)
  • Wrist 8 (9)
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