Sixty-Four Pounds

May 15, 2012 by · 7 Comments

Last week was my three month mark from surgery, and I’m down 64 pounds. The first two months, the weight came off fast – about 25 pounds per month. Last month, only 10.

Many people are under the impression that the weight just “melts off” after you have surgery, but the last month was proof to me that if you’re not measuring and tracking every bite, it slows down dramatically. I have to admit, I’m not measuring and tracking what I eat on a daily basis. I’ve gotten comfortable with what’s on my food list, and I can usually “eyeball” the portion that I should be eating. But since I’m not dropping the pounds as fast, I’m back to measuring.

When I look in the mirror, I can see the progress in my body. I’ve lost 8.5 inches in my waist (from 49 to 40.5), 7 inches off my bust (52 to 45), and 8 inches off my butt/hips (62 to 54). When I look at my sideview, I see that my belly is flatter and less pronounced, my butt is smaller, lower and is less bubbled out, and my back is less flabby. My arms are smaller too, so when I have them at my sides, it doesn’t feel so jiggly.

But when people mention my weight loss, I still get a lot of “Wow, I really see it in your face!”

I went bra shopping last week because my bras all fit wrong. I have so much extra space in the cups and my band size is down 5 inches. I’ve gone from being really tight on the last set of hooks to being baggy on the tightest setting. I had three different people measure me and suggest bras, but I got three different sizes. 25 bras later, I didn’t find one that I loved. Guess that means more bra shopping.

This weekend I’m going out of town again. I have another cousin getting married, so I’m starting the drive to LA on Thursday afternoon. But I’ll be stopping in Las Vegas for the night, and meet up with some of my Bariatric Bad Girls Club friends. It’s the Weigh Loss Surgery Foundation of America meet-up, and I would totally stay the weekend if it didn’t conflict with the wedding.

 

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Behind The Lens

May 6, 2012 by · 10 Comments

This weekend I was at the Breathing Space Blogger Retreat. It was a meetup of 75 bloggers, mostly local to the Wasatch Front area, held at Daybreak. I’ve known about the retreat for several months, and one my factors of motivation was to lose enough weight to look good in pictures.

For a long time, I’ve shuddered at the thought of group photos. I’m usually the largest woman in the groups, and I just pore over the pictures in nit-picky comparison. But this week I hit the 60 pound mark in my weight loss, and I had some cute clothes to wear, and I got into a mindset where I didn’t feel like I needed to stress out about how I looked for the conference.

On Friday afternoon, I went to the salon at Daybreak for a complimentary shampoo and style. The attendees of the conference  got to choose a free service, and I wanted my hair done. I was thinking we could do something fancy, and I wanted to look good for the Stepford Wives party, so I found a picture of a rockin’ 60’s beehive style. I was totally bummed when they said I’d have to pay a lot extra to do it. So I told the stylist to do whatever she wanted with my hair. She blew it out and gave it some wave, and dubbed it my “Kardashian hair.”

That evening was the Stepford Wives party, and I had a custom dress made by eShakti. I’d never ordered a dress off measurements before, and I wanted it to not be too big, so I guessed where I’d be in a few weeks when I bought it in early April. It was very tight when I got it, and the sleeves were way too tiny in circumference. I ended up picking out the stitching to get the sleeves off and wear it with a little jacket. As you can see – I’m regaining my waistline! The party was so fun, and there were so many fun dresses and outfits. The party was hard to eat at though – Corner Bakery catered the dinner, but there wasn’t much I could eat. I am addicted to their tomato basil soup, but dinner was a choice of sandwiches. I ate the meat out of my sandwich, but I was still hungry and faced an army of dessert choices. I nibbled on a few sweets, but resisted the urge to binge on cream cheese brownies and Sweet Tooth Fairy cupcakes.

Saturday was full of classes and ended with a Cinco de Mayo party. As the day went on, Jenny K (the official conference photographer) was snapping away. I started getting nervous about what pictures she was taking of me. When I went through her photostream after the conference, I felt so self-conscious. So many pictures of me from “bad angles.” In the one to the left, I can’t even tell I’ve lost weight, especially compared to the above picture in my green dress. I started feeling really hard on myself. You can’t always control what pictures are taken and shared. But you can try to control the way you think and perceive what you see.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been having a hard time emotionally with my weight loss. I care too much about what other people think, and I’m having a hard time accepting myself. I love getting compliments and attention, but sometimes I have a very hard time believing the things people say to me. I look at photos of myself so critically, and wonder if other people are judging me as harshly as I do to myself. Luckily, I’ve been finding out who really cares about me, and who I can depend on when things are hard. I gained some great new friends at the conference, and felt more accepted by new acquaintances than I have in a long time. I think I intimidate some people, and I’m hoping that I’m becoming more approachable with my weight loss. I know that I’m working on myself physically, spiritually, and mentally, and these doubts and struggles are just part of the journey.

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To Be Perfectly Honest…

May 1, 2012 by · 12 Comments

Today will be one of my not so pretty posts. Even though I’m posting a pretty good picture of me.

April has been a really tough month emotionally. My weight loss has slowed considerably. I traveled out of town three weekends out of the month, and never was fully prepared for all the meals that I should have planned and brought along food for. Being unprepared brings temptations. And this month I’ve fallen prey to several temptations.

What have I eaten, you ask? I’m not telling you this so you can criticize me, I’m telling you so I can be honest with myself. I succumbed to pieces of Easter candy. I’ve eaten some full-fat ice cream instead of frozen yogurt. I’ve sipped on soda a few times. I’ve snacked on Cheetos Puffs a few times (even though I know they’re useless crap with no nutritional value). My portions haven’t been monstrous, obviously since I can’t really consume more than 3 ounces at once, but I know I’m off the wagon.

Most gastric bypass patients deal with a condition called “dumping,” where condition where ingested foods bypass the stomach too rapidly and enter the small intestine mostly undigested. This causes nausea, vomiting, bloating, cramping, diarrhea, dizziness and fatigue. It usually happens after eating high fat or high sugar foods. But as far as I can tell, I’ve never dumped. My body hasn’t equipped me with the mechanism to make me violently ill if I eat rubbish. I must be crazy for wishing my body did. I seem  to only get sick eating “healthy stuff” like eggs and chicken.

So yeah….bad food choices. In actuality, I’d say that 98% of what I eat is right on track, and 2% is “bad.” I’ve come up with all sorts of excuses why I’m sabotaging my weight loss like this, especially so early in the game. And the biggest source of anger and frustration is all the damn food advice people give me. It messes with me every time.

I’ve always been a pleaser – I want to make people happy by doing what they others ask me to do. But in the case of food advice as a weight loss surgery patient, it’s infuriating. I’ve been tempted to go back to people whose advice has been a catalyst for something bad happening and say “See what you did to me!!” For instance, a certain person has bugged me over and over to try eating a certain food. I had already had a hard time tolerating it, but I knew they wouldn’t get off my back until I ate it and reported back. So I finally ate it, and I violently threw it up. I ran back into the bathroom multiple times to wretch, and I even started vomiting blood. It wasn’t pretty. And the whole time, I was mad at this person who had so persistently advised me to eat it. Honestly, I know I should have stuck to my guns and ignored the advice. I should have been stronger. But I’m feeling weak and vulnerable these days, and now that I’ve had well over 100 people give me advice, it’s really messed with my head.

Unless you are a doctor or nutritionist – PLEASE do not give me advice on food. The only exceptions to this rule are 1) If you have PERSONALLY been a weight loss surgery patient (not your friend, not your family member) AND/OR 2) if I PERSONALLY ask you for advice. However well meaning you are, it is NOT helpful. I have an extremely limited amount of things that I can eat, and can only eat very limited quantities. I need to expand my palate when MY DOCTOR recommends it, NOT YOU. When I get food advice, it confuses me. I makes me want to start to push the limits of what’s right for me to eat. It makes me want to binge on junk food. Often the advice makes me cry. Sometimes it just makes me not want to eat at all, and fasting is NOT good for me at the stage.

Secretly in my head, I want to tell people who give me food advice, “Is it important enough for you that I eat ____ that it could risk our friendship? Okay then….SHUT UP!”

I think it’s time to go into counseling again. I need to grow a thicker skin.

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Color Me Rad 5k Day!

April 29, 2012 by · 8 Comments

I’ve never been much of a runner, but I love to walk. A 5k has been out of the question for several years. I actually have done a 5k before, back in 2007 when I was in great shape. I was in the habit of multiple gym workouts a week, and I was able to run about half of it. I was about 80 pounds less than I am now when I did that.

When I found out that Color Me Rad was sponsoring the Breathing Space Blogger Retreat I’m on the council for, I looked at the website and thought “That’s really cool. I’ll bet that it would be a lot of fun to do.” But I wasn’t in the mindset of actually DOING a 5k. But peer pressure got the best of me, and I decided, by jove, I’d do it! And who better to accompany me, but my darling daughter and sidekick Rosie?!?

As part of the Breathing Space registration, I got free entry for the race. The Breathing Space ladies met up before and after the race to cheer each other on and take pictures. We met at Utah Valley University with clean hair and white shirts, and started going in the 9:15 wave of the run. The campus is fairly hilly, but I kept a pretty constant pace of about 3 MPH.

Everyone received a packet of colored cornstarch to throw on other people in the race, and there were 4 color stations spread through the course of the race. I knew I’d be getting colorful with the color powder, but what I didn’t expect was that they’d be spraying LIQUID color at the color stations. The first one was yellow, and they were pretty tame with their garden sprayer tanks. They splashed my shirt but mostly sprayed my arms so the powdered color would stick better. The next color station was crazy – dark green! And they didn’t just spray me with droplets of green, they totally soaked my shorts and part of my shirt. It was chilly outside (about 45 degrees and breezy) so walking in soaked shorts was NOT what I expected.

One of the funnest parts of the 5k was the people watching. Some were wearing long striped socks, others in wigs and tutus. There were moms pushing their kids in jogging strollers, and the kids were getting just as colored as their parents. The second color station was blood red, and we got pretty well soaked at that station too. The color was a little worrisome, because it actually looked like blood on the skin. If you didn’t know that it was part of the race, you would think that someone was bleeding pretty severely.  Station 4 was blue, and I think they sprayed me just the right amount…enough to have some blue stripes of color and fun droplets on my shirt. On the skin, the blue made us look like Smurfs or people from the Blue Man Group. We saw a guy who got soaked in the blue liquid, and he ended up looking like Tobias Funke from Arrested Development. Luckily he wasn’t a nevernude in cutoff shorts.

Finishing the race was such a thrill! I decided to run the last bit, and I was greeted with cheers and high-fives as I ran through the inflatable arch. I was literally covered in colors from the top of my head down to my toes. My running shoes are totally speckled…and I think I’ll keep them colorful to remind me of the day. Surprisingly, I wasn’t sore at all after finishing the race. Little did I know the pain would hit me later in the day with the force of a wrecking ball.

Color Me Rad

I’m so glad I had Rosie do the 5k with me. I know I did it a lot slower than most people (my time was about an hour and 5 minutes). But Rosie kept me going and we had fun laughing at all the funny colored people we saw. It’s funny who everyone looked different, but almost everyone had a smile on their face.

Color Me Rad UtahWill I do another 5k? I’m pretty sure I’ll do a few. It’s hard for me to imagine being fit enough to run a whole 3.2 miles. I’ve had a variety of health issues, and I struggle with frequent hip pain. When I asked my doctor about running, he said I should wait to do a lot of running until I’m closer to 250 (which will be in a few months, at the rate my weight loss is going). I’m planning to do the Dirty Dash in June (another sponsored perk for Breathing Space) and I’m hoping to feel up to running a little more.

Woo hoo! I did a 5k!

Color Me Rad Utah

 

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A Few Thoughts

April 23, 2012 by · 11 Comments

nicole hair blowing in the a/cI’ve had a lot on my mind lately, but not enough on every subject for a full post. How about some bullet points instead of paragraphs?

  • I’ve started dealing with some hair loss. It’s not enough for it to be noticeable to others, but it’s making me paranoid. My dark hair has been part of my “identity” the past few years because I haven’t liked a lot of my features being so overweight. It’s the longest it’s ever been, and I hope I don’t lose it. Last week I dyed my hair a shade darker because it’s supposed to hide hair loss.
  • When I look at myself in the mirror, I like what I see more and more. For a long time I’d stare and myself and not really recognize myself. It feels good to look more like myself than I have in several years
  • I’m having a very hard time being compliant with taking my vitamins and supplements. The smell of a multivitamin alone makes my stomach turn. Today I skipped splitting my MVI in half, and it got stuck in my pouch. I was painfully uncomfortable for hours, and was scared I would need to see the doctor. I finally decided to drink enough water to vomit (yes, gross I know), and felt soooo much better once the vitamin would out. But ugh…regurgitated vitamins taste much worse coming up than they do going down!
  • I’m getting really nervous about making it through the Color Me Rad 5K I’m doing on Saturday. I’ve amped up my exercise, but I’m worried I’ll collapse and pass out. I get so tired so easily since surgery. I’m going to really have to pace myself.
  • My friend Sue wrote a post, “Be Your Own Kind of Average” a few months ago about her weight loss surgery experience. I read it every few weeks. It has a lot of truth in it about life after WLS – especially the part about people start being nicer. People who wouldn’t have given me the time of day are starting to hold conversations with me. More people make eye contact and smile. It feels good, but it sort of feels awkward too.
  • Right now, all I want is a Coke Zero. Must be strong.

Hmmm…I guess I had enough content I didn’t need to use bullet points. Oh well, my thoughts are pretty scattered tonight.

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Breaking Through My First Post-Op Plateau

April 18, 2012 by · 8 Comments

Losing 50 pounds was my first big goal in my weight loss journey, and I achieved it with  pretty consistent weight loss. But once I hit 50, I had my first plateau. I even gained 2 pounds! *Gasp!* I blame part of it on travel…I’ve been traveling like a maniac the last few weeks. First we went to southern California for Easter weekend to stay at my in-law’s beach condo in Ventura County. Last weekend I joined my husband on a long layover in Dallas.

Let me tell you – it’s HARD to eat the way you need to when you’re traveling, especially airline travel. I can’t take the foods I would like to pack through airport security, and the stores within the airports don’t sell them. I was subjected to taking protein powder for shakes, nuts, and other dry items. Also when traveling, I tend to eat out at a lot of restaurants. I typically share a meal (or even a kid’s meal) with my husband or daughter. Those are my most likely reasons for the weight gain and plateau.

The good news is that I got right back on track as soon as I got home on Sunday, and I was pleasantly surprised that the scale showed I not only lost the 2 pounds I’d gained, but I was down a bit more. I weighed in at 318.5, which is a total of 54.8 pounds lost. Another good thing about traveling is that I’m much more physically active than usual. Between walking down airport concourses, sightseeing and shopping, my stamina seems to last a lot longer. With all of the flight bumps and cancellations coming back from Dallas, I’m sure I walked at least 3 miles in airports on Sunday.

A happy non-scale victory I did have while traveling was being able to fasten the airplane seatbelt without an extender. This is a HUGE victory for me, because I do travel so much and I have felt so much shame in asking a flight attendant for an extender. I also could put my tray table down about 95% of the way (which before I’d just avoid it because it was nowhere near flat). When I travel with my husband or daughter, I often put the airplane armrest up so it’s not digging into my thighs. This time I tried to put down the armrests…they’re not as bad as before, but I think they will soon be a problem of the past.

This week I’m amping up my physical activity so I can be ready for the Color Me Rad 5k on the 28th. I probably could use some new running shoes, but I don’t want them to get all gross and stained from the rainbow powder. I’ve been sticking closer to my diet guidelines and avoiding eating out this week. Lately I’ve had a daily craving for tomato soup, so I get my comfort food fix that way.

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Winner – Color Me Rad 5k Giveaway

April 17, 2012 by · 1 Comment

The Color Me Rad 5k entries have been tabulated, and a winner has been selected. Through selection on Random.org, the lucky winner is Naked Jen! This woman knows her glitter, and now she’ll be covered in rainbows too!

 

Thanks to all who entered my giveaway, and thanks to Color Me Rad for the ticket to giveaway. If you still want to go,  you can still register on their website until Wednesday night. And don’t forget that a Color Me Rad race ticket is included in the registration goodies for the Breathing Space retreat.

Now to mentally and physically prepare for a 5k so I don’t collapse into a rainbow-covered heap mid-race.

nakedjen winner

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Giveaway – Color Me Rad 5K

April 9, 2012 by · 14 Comments

color me rad 5k raceNow that my health has improved, and my body has changed so much since surgery, it’s been fun to dream and plan about the things I’ll be able to do now that I’m getting in better shape. Fifty pounds ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed about doing a 5K. I’ve only ever done one 5k, and I walked half of it. However, a fun opportunity came up to participate in the Color Me Rad 5k race, and I’m going to do it! And one lucky reader will get to join me in (walking) “5 kilometers of colorful debauchery”.

When Zoloft and balloon animals can’t seem to raise your spirits, the best way to brighten your life is to Color Yourself Rad.

Color Me Rad is coming to a town near you with a tsunami of color.  Once you set foot in this holy bath, it will make the blind see, the deaf hear, and the lame walk, run, and jump through 5 kilometers of colorful debauchery.

You’ll start off with a shirt as pure and white as Mother Teresa’s saintly soul and wind up looking like a pack of skittles – just make sure not to “taste the rainbow.” So cast your DYE and get red in the face from Color Me Rad, and not from the embarrassment of passing up on the run of a lifetime.

I’m on the event council for Breathing Space Retreat, a fun and relaxing overnight blogger retreat at Daybreak in May. Color Me Rad has generously offered to be one of the event sponsors, and the race happens one week before the retreat. What a fun way to bond with blogger friends before the event, don’t you think? Although I will be participating in the Utah event on April 28th, the race coupon code is good for any event in the US (see the Color Me Rad website for details).

To enter: Leave a comment telling me something physical that you would do if you were in better shape. Snowboard? Do triathlons?

For additional entries:

Giveaway ends Monday April 16 at 5pm MST. Or check out my friends who are also doing giveaways for a Color Me Rad ticket

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Comparison – Down 50 Pounds

April 7, 2012 by · 3 Comments

nicole bullock weight lossSeveral people asked me to post a side-by-side comparison of how I look from before surgery until now. After hitting the 50 pound milestone, I thought it was a good time.

Although I’ve lost weight and inches all over my body, people still say to me, “Yeah, I can see it in your face.” So today is a face shot. I’ve gone from a triple chin to one and a half (meaning, I still have a lot of extra skin and fat, but it’s not quite so chubby). My cheeks aren’t so round. My eyes look brighter and I don’t look so tired.

With such a big difference at 50 pounds, I wonder where I’ll be at 100. Or 150. Or 200.

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Milestone: Fifty Pounds Lost

April 3, 2012 by · 8 Comments

50 pound weight lossToday was a milestone I’ve been excited about for the last week or two. I’ve never lost 50 pounds – ever.

BUT NOW I HAVE!

This morning I stepped on the scale, and I weigh 323.0 – Which means I’ve lost 50.3 pounds. It comes at a good time, because today is my 8 week mark since surgery. Everyone who I’ve talked to who has been through weight loss surgery told me that the weight loss will happen so fast, you can hardly believe it. And they were completely right – I can hardly believe it.

If you’ve followed my blog through my journey, you know that there have been a lot of bumps in the road. I’ve been dealing with pretty significant fatigue, I haven’t been able to work full-time hours consistently, and I’ve been in the ER a few times. I’ve cried in frustration when I’ve wanted to do things that my body hasn’t let me do (good and bad). I’ve met some ridicule by people who think that I chose to go the “easy way out” with surgery. It hasn’t been easy, but has it been worth it? Absolutely!

I still have a long way to go – I’m only 25% of the way to my goal weight. The next milestone I’m excited for is the 75 pound mark – at which I’ll be under 300 pounds for the first time since 2008.

Measurements:

  • Neck: 15.25 (-1.5)
  • Bust: 48 (-4)
  • Chest: 42.5 (-3.5)
  • Waist: 44 (-6)
  • Upper Bulge: 48 (-5)
  • Hips: 57.5 (-4.5)
  • Thigh 30.5 (-3.5)
  • Calf: 21 (-2)
  • Ankle: 11 (-1.5)
  • Bicep: 18.25 (-1.75)
  • Wrist: 7 (-2)

 

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