Posts in category weight loss

Sixty-Four Pounds

May15
2012 6 Comments Written by Nicole

Last week was my three month mark from surgery, and I’m down 64 pounds. The first two months, the weight came off fast – about 25 pounds per month. Last month, only 10.

Many people are under the impression that the weight just “melts off” after you have surgery, but the last month was proof to me that if you’re not measuring and tracking every bite, it slows down dramatically. I have to admit, I’m not measuring and tracking what I eat on a daily basis. I’ve gotten comfortable with what’s on my food list, and I can usually “eyeball” the portion that I should be eating. But since I’m not dropping the pounds as fast, I’m back to measuring.

When I look in the mirror, I can see the progress in my body. I’ve lost 8.5 inches in my waist (from 49 to 40.5), 7 inches off my bust (52 to 45), and 8 inches off my butt/hips (62 to 54). When I look at my sideview, I see that my belly is flatter and less pronounced, my butt is smaller, lower and is less bubbled out, and my back is less flabby. My arms are smaller too, so when I have them at my sides, it doesn’t feel so jiggly.

But when people mention my weight loss, I still get a lot of “Wow, I really see it in your face!”

I went bra shopping last week because my bras all fit wrong. I have so much extra space in the cups and my band size is down 5 inches. I’ve gone from being really tight on the last set of hooks to being baggy on the tightest setting. I had three different people measure me and suggest bras, but I got three different sizes. 25 bras later, I didn’t find one that I loved. Guess that means more bra shopping.

This weekend I’m going out of town again. I have another cousin getting married, so I’m starting the drive to LA on Thursday afternoon. But I’ll be stopping in Las Vegas for the night, and meet up with some of my Bariatric Bad Girls Club friends. It’s the Weigh Loss Surgery Foundation of America meet-up, and I would totally stay the weekend if it didn’t conflict with the wedding.

 

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Behind The Lens

May06
2012 10 Comments Written by Nicole

This weekend I was at the Breathing Space Blogger Retreat. It was a meetup of 75 bloggers, mostly local to the Wasatch Front area, held at Daybreak. I’ve known about the retreat for several months, and one my factors of motivation was to lose enough weight to look good in pictures.

For a long time, I’ve shuddered at the thought of group photos. I’m usually the largest woman in the groups, and I just pore over the pictures in nit-picky comparison. But this week I hit the 60 pound mark in my weight loss, and I had some cute clothes to wear, and I got into a mindset where I didn’t feel like I needed to stress out about how I looked for the conference.

On Friday afternoon, I went to the salon at Daybreak for a complimentary shampoo and style. The attendees of the conference  got to choose a free service, and I wanted my hair done. I was thinking we could do something fancy, and I wanted to look good for the Stepford Wives party, so I found a picture of a rockin’ 60′s beehive style. I was totally bummed when they said I’d have to pay a lot extra to do it. So I told the stylist to do whatever she wanted with my hair. She blew it out and gave it some wave, and dubbed it my “Kardashian hair.”

That evening was the Stepford Wives party, and I had a custom dress made by eShakti. I’d never ordered a dress off measurements before, and I wanted it to not be too big, so I guessed where I’d be in a few weeks when I bought it in early April. It was very tight when I got it, and the sleeves were way too tiny in circumference. I ended up picking out the stitching to get the sleeves off and wear it with a little jacket. As you can see – I’m regaining my waistline! The party was so fun, and there were so many fun dresses and outfits. The party was hard to eat at though – Corner Bakery catered the dinner, but there wasn’t much I could eat. I am addicted to their tomato basil soup, but dinner was a choice of sandwiches. I ate the meat out of my sandwich, but I was still hungry and faced an army of dessert choices. I nibbled on a few sweets, but resisted the urge to binge on cream cheese brownies and Sweet Tooth Fairy cupcakes.

Saturday was full of classes and ended with a Cinco de Mayo party. As the day went on, Jenny K (the official conference photographer) was snapping away. I started getting nervous about what pictures she was taking of me. When I went through her photostream after the conference, I felt so self-conscious. So many pictures of me from “bad angles.” In the one to the left, I can’t even tell I’ve lost weight, especially compared to the above picture in my green dress. I started feeling really hard on myself. You can’t always control what pictures are taken and shared. But you can try to control the way you think and perceive what you see.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been having a hard time emotionally with my weight loss. I care too much about what other people think, and I’m having a hard time accepting myself. I love getting compliments and attention, but sometimes I have a very hard time believing the things people say to me. I look at photos of myself so critically, and wonder if other people are judging me as harshly as I do to myself. Luckily, I’ve been finding out who really cares about me, and who I can depend on when things are hard. I gained some great new friends at the conference, and felt more accepted by new acquaintances than I have in a long time. I think I intimidate some people, and I’m hoping that I’m becoming more approachable with my weight loss. I know that I’m working on myself physically, spiritually, and mentally, and these doubts and struggles are just part of the journey.

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Comparison – Down 50 Pounds

Apr07
2012 2 Comments Written by Nicole

nicole bullock weight lossSeveral people asked me to post a side-by-side comparison of how I look from before surgery until now. After hitting the 50 pound milestone, I thought it was a good time.

Although I’ve lost weight and inches all over my body, people still say to me, “Yeah, I can see it in your face.” So today is a face shot. I’ve gone from a triple chin to one and a half (meaning, I still have a lot of extra skin and fat, but it’s not quite so chubby). My cheeks aren’t so round. My eyes look brighter and I don’t look so tired.

With such a big difference at 50 pounds, I wonder where I’ll be at 100. Or 150. Or 200.

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Scale Victory – 45 Pounds Down!

Mar29
2012 5 Comments Written by Nicole

nicole 45 pounds downI’ve had a bathroom scale for a few years that has a capacity of 328 pounds. When I purchased it in 2008, I was right around the 300 pound mark. The scale has been just on the edge of it’s capacity several times, as my weight has fluctuated between 350 and 325 for the last three years. It hasn’t worked for me in 18 months, and it’s been a mini-goal of mine to be able to weigh on that scale.

For the last two weeks, I’ve stood on the sale almost every day, just hoping I might actually get a weight reading other than “ERROR.” Yesterday morning I weighed myself before my shower, and IT SHOWED NUMBERS! I weighed in at 327.5, which is a total loss of 45.8 pounds since I started my pre-op diet on January 30th. 45 pounds in 8 weeks is pretty dang awesome!

I had a hard time deciding what to name this blog post. In Weight Watchers, which I was enrolled in 8 times, we talked a lot about “Non-scale victories” (NSV). Sometimes in the weight loss process, you know you’re doing everything you need to, but the scale isn’t showing the progress. Non-scale victories can be inches lost, addictions overcome, or anything else that is promoting your journey to better health. In my case, I really DID have a scale victory…I had a great loss AND I can use my bathroom scale. I don’t have to weigh in at the doctor to know where my progress is at.

A few people have asked why I haven’t been putting my food diaries lately. My main reason is that I’m not blogging every day, and it gets a little tedious to remember back more than a day. But for those who love my food diaries, here’s what I ate today:

  • Simply Gogurt yogurt tube – 2 ounces
  • String cheese – 1/2
  • 1 TB peanut butter
  • Refried beans with melted cheese and salsa
  • Cinnamon banana protein smoothie – 5 ounces
  • Skinny Cow light ice cream bar
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When Do People Start Noticing?

Mar24
2012 8 Comments Written by Nicole

I know that I look at myself in the mirror more than anyone else looks at me. And I think the way I look at myself is more critical than others would criticize. I don’t consider myself overly-narcissistic (only a little narcissistic :) ), but I often wonder if other people are noticing my weight loss. Several times over the last few weeks, I’ve asked myself, “When do people start noticing?” Thirty pounds? Forty pounds?”

Two weeks ago when I went to Portland, I was traveling with my friend Chris, who I hadn’t seen since Christmas time. He was teasing me for my packed lunch of 2 ounces of lunch meat, string cheese, yogurt, and other bypass-friendly items. We talked a lot about my surgery, but I was curious if he could SEE a difference. I stood in front of him I flat out asked him “Can you tell a difference in my body yet?”, he said “Not really, I just look at you and know it’s you.” At that point I’d lost 30 pounds, and was hoping he would give some kind of raving compliment, but he didn’t. And it isn’t his fault that he didn’t see it. But it felt like a little bit of a let down.

But then again, there are people who seem to notice every little change in my body and give me lots of verbal encouragement. My coworker Nick has this crazy gift of guessing how much weight I’ve lost…”So Nicole, you’ve lost about 35 pounds now, right?” And he’s ALWAYS right, it’s uncanny.

With how active I am in social media, I usually have at least one event per week that I attend. This week I went to Social Commerce Exchange, and saw a few friends I haven’t seen since before surgery. One walked into the room, and I stood up from my chair, and he said “Wow, Nicole, you look gooood!” Getting these types of compliments really make me smile, and give me some validation for all the hard work I’ve put into my weight loss. It also helps alleviate some of the social anxiety I have developed in the last few years as my weight spiraled out of control.

I think one of the things that makes it hard for others to notice the weight loss is my lack of muscle tone. I’m losing weight, but I’ve also lost my muscles, especially in my abdomen. If I wear tight clothes that hold me in a bit, you can see my loss much better. But since I spent so much time in bed over the last 6 weeks, and have only walked for exercise, I’m getting anxious to get my muscles toned. I’m going to start some weight training next week…my arms are in desperate need to lose some jiggle.

city creek center SLCI went to City Creek Center, the new mall in Salt Lake City, twice this week to walk, window shop, and wander. I’ve found that it’s much easier for me to get in a good walk when there are interesting surroundings, which is why treadmills typically are not my favorite way to get in a walk. As I was about to walk across Main Street, a sweet girl came up to me and asked, “Are you Nicole? I read your blog, and I just want to tell you that you look amazing!” She was someone who is an online acquaintance, and we talked a little bit. She said she loves to read my posts, but doesn’t usually comment. I was happy that she stopped me to talk, because I otherwise wouldn’t have known that she read my blog.

I weighed in this weekend, and I’m at 333.1. I’ve finally hit the 40 pound mark! This is a big step for me because I’ve tried to lose weight in so many ways, but the weight loss typically putters out around 25-35 pounds. I’ve never been able to lose more than 40 (except when I lost 50 pounds and I got rid of an ex-husband at the same time). I told myself that I would celebrate my 40 pound mark with a new pair of jeans. I love getting new clothes, but I’ve kept my purchases to a minimum because I’m changing sizes so rapidly.

Tonight I had a little extra time, so I went over to Lane Bryant to try on some jeans. I bought a pair of 26s a few weeks ago, but they’re already looking too baggy on me. LB has a line called T3 jeans that help tighten your tummy. I tried on several pairs of 24s and 22s…and the 22s fit! I totally jumped a size in jeans! They’re a bit too tight in the calves, but hopefully the jeans will stretch or my calves will shrink.

40 pounds feels like such an exciting accomplishment, I can only imagine how the other milestones will feel!

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In A Groove And On The Road

Mar21
2012 5 Comments Written by Nicole

nicole and rosie bullockIt’s been 6 weeks since surgery, and I feel like I’ve hit my groove. I’m getting better at listening to what my body needs and what I can safely consume. I’m usually at good energy levels, but still not as high as before surgery. Life feels different since surgery, but it’s a good different.

As funny as it might sound, my biggest complaint is my CPAP mask. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve lost so much chub in my face, or strictly because a TSA agent screwed it up (which wouldn’t be the first time), but I can’t get the mask to seal on my face, no matter how I adjust the straps. It hisses through the night, which wakes my husband up. It shoots dry air up towards my eyes, which dries them out…and has even made my eyelid chapped. The eyelid, right by my tear duct, keeps splitting and bleeding. I’ve been vigilant to apply Neosporin to the area, but it’s just not getting better.

I’m working 20-25 hours a week, and a few days I’ve made it over 7 hours. I usually start feeling fatigued in the early afternoon, and will head home to nap. But if I have a meeting or an urgent task to complete, I truck on through. When I’m lucky, I’ll hit my second wind. It’s SO difficult to get through the sleepy afternoons without caffeine.

One of the happiest things is that I’ve felt good enough to travel a bit. As a pilot wife with flight benefits, I have a hard time sitting still for too long. First I roadtripped to Portland to help a friend move up to the Northwest. The next weekend, our family was supposed to go to Anchorage to visit my brother and sister-in-law. But since flight loads were miserably full, Rosie and I opted to fly down to southern California.

One of the most humiliating things about being an obese traveler is needing to request a seatbelt extender. After losing 5 inches in my waist, I was certain that I’d be in the clear for buckling my seatbelt sans extender. This picture doesn’t accurately show the gap (buckling a seatbelt requires two hands, and I had one on the camera). I was about an inch and a half from securely buckling my seatbelt. Hopefully the next time I’m on the plane I won’t have to make the walk of shame to ask the flight attendant for an extender.

We flew into LAX, but after a one hour ground stop, we decided to grab a hotel and pick up our rental car in the morning. The hotel’s website said they had a “deluxe continental breakfast buffet,” which was actually just muffins, doughnuts, and a few mushy apples. I skipped the free food and went to Trader Joes to get some good food that I could eat on the trip. Afterwards, we drove up Pacific Coast Highway from Dockweiller Beach to Santa Monica. At Venice Beach, Rosie and I got out of the car and took a 40 minute walk on the cool, foggy boardwalk. It’s amazing how the ocean makes exercise SO much easier.

Being in California was tough this time, because I realized how much of my usual Cali experience revolves around food. I have a bunch of favorite Mexican restaurants, donut shops, bakeries, and dessert spots. I did indulge in a few restaurant things (like a little tiny bit of toppings from carne asada nachos from Tijuana Tacos in Pomona), but I avoided most of the places where I knew I’d get myself into trouble. My in-laws carefully watched me as I ate during meals, blown away at how little I was eating.

It was an enjoyable time in LA, but the trip home was tough. Due to a rental car return fiasco, we missed our flight from LAX. We ended up flying to Las Vegas, hoping to get a connecting flight to SLC. We lucked out getting seats in first class to Vegas, but flight loads to SLC were dismal. Instead of waiting 6+ hour for the next flight to SLC, I decided to rent a car and drive up to SLC.

Not only do I love air travel, but I love roadtrips. Unfortunately, I associate a lot of a roadtrip by the drinks and snacks I bring along. But by the time I got on I-15 in Vegas, I was dragging. I broke my 2 month Coke-free streak by getting a cup of Coke Zero, filled to the top with ice. I sipped it for the parts of the trip I was dragging, with Gatorade G2 and water for the rest of the time. But as I drove, I thought about what I wished I could be eating….chocolate Dunford donuts, caramel popcorn balls, and chewy candies like Swedish Fish. I was glad we stopped at a grocery store for some chicken salad at the deli to snack on.

central utah snowstormIt was tough to drive up to SLC without a relief driver, and I had to stop to nap a few times. I hit all sorts of weather…from warm cloudless skies…to sunny snowstorms in Central Utah, to torrential rainfall. When I finally arrived home, I was TIRED. I still feel like I’m recovering from the trip 3 days later.

I’d like to thank the people who checked up on me this week, worried because I hadn’t posted anything new in over a week. It was crazy with travel, and my personal laptop is having major issues. I hope to post 3-5 times a week from here on out.

Oh, and about my weight. I haven’t weighed myself in almost 2 weeks, but I’m guessing that I’m down about 40 pounds.

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For comparison’s sake…

Feb27
2009 Leave a Comment Written by Nicole


Last time I weighed 290, I looked like this. Could the scale really be right? I look a lot healthier right now, don’t I.

Posted in Uncategorized

Weight Update 2.8.09

Feb08
2009 Leave a Comment Written by Nicole

I finally started using my new elliptical machine this week, and I think it made a difference:

Last week: 301.5
Today: 294.9

postscript: The higher number was from the evening, and the lower number was right after waking up. It would be nice to say I lost 6.6 pounds this week, but I doubt there will be any sustained losses like this.

Organ Recital

Jan14
2009 1 Comment Written by Nicole
This is an actual picture of my chest x-ray today

At age 7, I started seeing a dermatologist for eczema

At age 11, I was diagnosed with asthma

At age 16, I had my first ulcer

At age 19, I was hospitalized for a kidney infection

At age 20, I gave birth to my daughter. During that hospital stay, I was exposed to e. Coli in the hospital, went septic, and into ARDS. I was on a ventilator in the ICU for 3 weeks. At the end of the hospital stay, I developed a blood clot in my arm (from fingertip to armpit) and went on anticoagulation therapy for 6 months

At age 21, I had my first migraine and started immunotherapy for allergies

At age 23, I was diagnosed with hypersomnia and sleep apnea

At age 28, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome

And I’ve basically been overweight since birth, despite numerous dedicated attempts to reduce my weight

Today I went to my new pulomonary/sleep specialist. I have been having terrible sleep luck since October. Usually, I miraculously get by with only 4-6 hours of sleep per night, typically interrupted. I can only recall a handful of times I’ve gotten more than 7 hours of continuous sleep in 4 months. I’ve been snoring like a lumberjack, much to my poor husband’s dismay. I’ve also been feeling sick for a week, and was told on Sunday at Urgent Care that it was “just a cold.” I’ve been huffing my inhaler every few hours for a couple of days, and it was a stroke of luck to get into a pulmonologist so quickly.

I did my H&P wth the PA, did a pulmonary function test, had two chest x-rays, and met with “Dr Eye” (his last name starts with “I” but I can’t remember his actual name). He said that I’ve got a pretty advanced case of bronchitis, and he was surprised that I was still working with it this bad. He reviewed my old sleep records, suggested that I resume CPAP therapy, and scheduled me for another overnight sleep study. He also strongly urged me to look into some surgical options to improve my overall health...specifically bariatric surgery. He said my sleep would not improve markedly unless I lost at least 80 pounds. He said that since I’ve had such limited success with conservative weight loss in the past, and my BMI is over 40, I’m a good candidate for bariatic surgery, and the sooner the better.

Ever since I actually researched what a gastric bypass surgery was, I was horrified. And I also know of two people who had family members pass away on the operating table during the procedure. I have two people that I’m close to have the lap band surgery in the past 2 years, and both have had great results. But do I really want to pursue surgical options? My insurance will cover the great portion of it…in fact my portion would be cheaper than 6 months on Weight Watchers. Dr. Eye said he has a bariatric surgeon that he recommends, and would give me his contact information at my next visit.

Oftentimes, I’ve wondered if my body was the major trial I was given in this life.

Posted in health - Tagged

The first few steps

Dec18
2008 Leave a Comment Written by Nicole

Hollie (who is technically my aunt, but more like a BFF) has been hosting Taylor, Rosie, Clint and I this week. Today and yesterday morning we had good workouts at 24 Hour Fitness. It’s bring a friend for free month, so the timing was great! I did 35 min on elliptical yesterday, then today I did 25 elliptical, 10 bike, and 20 weights and abs. It was so nice to get in a REAL full-body workout today. It’s been months. Afterward we enjoyed smoothies from Emerald Isle, which is far superior to Jamba Juice.

Hollie has also graciously offered to be my weight loss sponsor. She has set a dollar amount for each pound I lose. I’ll report my weight to her, and then she’ll send a check in 10-pound increments. However, if I gain it back, I have to pay it back. It will be nice to have some free money to spend as I wish…new work clothes, new ipod, etc (once I REALLY get down in weight, that is)

Posted in exercise
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