Beauty and the Bypass

I Am Thankful

November 22, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 3 Comments

2012 has been such an amazing year for me. I am accomplished so much, made so many new friends, traveled to great places, have excelled in my career, and feel like I’m in the best place I’ve been in my adult life.

After the intense difficulties of 2009, 2010, and 2011, it has been such a blessing to have a good year. In the past three years, I dealt with 18 months of unemployment. I had a major injury to my back and hip that caused me to have limited mobility for 6 months. I had long-term bouts on steroids for flare-ups of my COPD and countless bouts of pneumonia and bronchitis, which led to 70 pounds of weight gain that felt out of my control. My sleep apnea was severe, and I was constantly fatigued. My mental health struggled. I did not feel like myself. I was doing my best, but it didn’t feel like it was ever enough.

Although I’m only 10 months out from surgery, I began preparing myself for surgery in late 2010. I started compiling medical records, met with my doctors to discuss my clearance for major surgery, and I did research on the different types of weight loss surgery available to me. After Cigna denied my surgery in Spring 2011 (pending an additional 6 months of physician-supervised weight loss), I had lost a lot of hope. I felt like I was stuck in my lot.

But in late January, my appeal for surgery was approved. I have had more success with my weight loss going the surgical route than I did in 20 years of attempts in every way imaginable. It has not been easy, but it’s been worth it.

120 pounds in 10 months. I still can’t believe it.

Our family is spending the Thanksgiving holiday in California with Taylor’s family. A lot of my friends back home were doing turkey trots or going to the gym to prepare for the massive gorgefests at Thanksgiving dinner. I told Taylor I wanted to go out on a lengthy walk to burn some calories before dinner. He told me about a route that he really likes through San Dimas Canyon, and told me it was just over 3 miles. Last year, I would have told him that he was crazy to suggest it. This year, I embraced the challenge and had a great time being active with my husband. The weather was gorgeous, with clear sunny skies.

I grew up in Oregon, and being active in the outdoors feels like second nature for me. While my body wasn’t able to handle it, I really missed it. I’m so happy to be able to do things outside and not feel like I’m going to pass out. I’ve started biking again. This winter, I’m planning on giving both skiing and snowboarding a try. I’m even thinking of trying my hand at group sports again.

I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for the courage I felt to make a bold and risky decision for my health, and for the courage to share my journey on my blog. I am grateful for the support that I’ve received from friends and family, and all of the new people I’ve become acquainted with through this blog and my online support groups. I am grateful for the reduction in my health comorbidities. I am grateful for my family, and the ability my newly regained health has allowed me to be the mother and wife that I’ve always tried to be. My heart is so full.

Filed Under: Introspection · Tagged With: gratitude, introspection, Reflection

Obesity Help 2012 Conference Recap

November 18, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 6 Comments

Last month, I attended the 2012 Obesity Help Conference in Atlanta (hashtag #OHAtlanta). Even though I’m not active in the Obesity Help support forums, I was happy that they were hosting an event. A lot of my friends from Bariatric Bad Girls Club were attending, which was enough motivation I needed to buy a ticket.

Because I was flying out to Atlanta on standby, I wasn’t exactly sure when I’d be arriving. I had my hotel room at the Hilton booked for Friday and Saturday night, but I ended up getting out on Thursday. And by getting out, I mean that I took the scenic route. I missed the direct flight to Atlanta by about 5 minutes because the stupid security line at SLC was longer than I’d ever seen it. Rather than waiting 5 hours for the next direct flight, I connected in Tulsa, and got to Atlanta Thursday evening.

I tried to connect with the other BBGC ladies throughout my travels, but I couldn’t find anyone who had an empty bed in their room. I found an inexpensive (aka ghetto) hotel that was a few blocks from the Hilton, which was convenient for our breakfast plans in the morning. In the morning, I hauled my luggage down Virginia Avenue toward the conference. I was flagged down by a bunch of friendly people thinking I was mistakenly trying to walk to the Atlanta airport (which is close, but not within walking distance). I got to the Hilton, and immediately saw my BBGC ladies.

And where did we decide on for breakfast during an obesity conference in the South? Yup, Waffle House. Let’s just say a few people in the group got very tummysick and regretted the meal. I got the cheese ‘n eggs and was spared from getting myself too ill.

When we got back to the hotel, we went to the clothing exchange in one of the conference rooms. It was nice to be able to get some “new” clothes in smaller sizes. Between what I got in the exchange, and from Robin from BBGC, my suitcase was totally full when I came home.

There were lots of classes each day. Some were panel discussions, others were intensive courses about everything from plastic surgery to diet plans. Beth (aka Melting Mama) is the fearless leader of the BBGC, and was on the best panel discussion that I attended. She is excellent at bringing up difficult topics and discussing the hard realities of life after weight loss surgery. A lot of people don’t realize that weight loss surgery makes you more prone to alcoholism. When the food that you’ve relied on your whole life suddenly loses it’s appeal, transfer addictions happen. The discussions that happened about transfer addictions at the conference were very enlightening.

One of the most wonderful things about OHAtlanta was the creation of “The Fab Four.” Suzanne, Angela, Crystal and I were naturally drawn to each other during the first day of the conference, and we were inseparable until we all left to go home. We sat with each other in classes, ate our meals together, chatted over drinks, and bonded like sisters. Although I connected with almost all of the BBGC’s in Atlanta, the Fab Four is the best thing that came out of the conference for me. We talk daily over a group instant messenger, and discuss food, clothes, relationships, non-scale victories, and our inappropriate senses of humor.

On Saturday night, there was a weight loss fashion show and masquerade ball. It was so fun to see the men and women in the fashion show who have had success and have gained confidence. So many smiles from the participants and cheers from the audience. After the fashion show, people donned their masks for the masquerade ball. Because it was in October, some people went with pretty dresses and masks, others went in Halloween costumes.

I went with a dress that I really like and feel cute and confident in. But part of me wishes that I’d gotten in on the group costume. Because black and pink are the colors of BBGC, a bunch of the ladies decided to go as the Pink Ladies from Grease, complete with Beth in her fashion show attire and Carla as “slutty Sandy” wearing her Slimpressions and red heels. I’m not in the Pink Ladies pic, but look how cute they are!

Besides the official conference events, we had a blast going through the vendor booths. There were some great vitamin, protein, and weight loss surgery-friendly products for sale. I skipped on the fizzy tablet that turns into vitamin jello, but I did buy my first Slimpressions.

I feel so blessed and fortunate to be a part of such a wonderful group of ladies (and a few token gents). It’s not just a support group for me. They are my virtual family. Because they’ve gone through a lot of the same struggles in life, we’re bonded. We rely on each other when times are tough, answer questions that we may have been misinformed on, and get our daily vitamin reminders from Toni. I met quite a few of the BBGCs briefly in May when I stopped by the WLSFA meet and greet on my way down to Cali for a wedding, but I didn’t get to bond with many people. After spending adequate time with my ladies in Atlanta, I can’t imagine my daily life without their support and humor. There is a lot of love in BBGC…just ask Carla who gave the most epic kiss of the weekend.

I went to quite a few conferences this year, and I had the most fun at OHAtlanta, hands down. If you’re interested in attending a future weight loss surgery event with the Bariatric Bad Girls, the next one will be the Las Vegas WLSFA Meet and Greet in May. I’ll be there with bells on.

Filed Under: Support, surgery · Tagged With: BBGC, obesity, Obesity Help, travel

Month 10 Post-Op Update

November 16, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 8 Comments

Sometimes it’s hard to really see the progress within yourself in a weight loss journey. You notice small changes, but you don’t always recognize how you’re changing in the grand scheme of things.

When you look at this side-by-side comparison picture of me, it’s obvious I’ve lost a significant amount of weight (119 pounds as of today). But this picture does not reflect the other ways I’m changing and evolving as a human soul.

As I’ve discussed in multiple posts on my blog, the most difficult part of the weight loss surgery journey for me has been my emotional evolution. Sorting out my self-image and the relationship between my long-held beliefs about body can be very confusing. I don’t always know if I’ll recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. Sometimes I’m larger than I’m expecting, other times I just don’t look like me. I hadn’t been morbidly obese my whole life, and on my “skinny days” I see a very young Nicole staring back at me.

Not that youth is a bad thing! It’s fun to ask people how old they think I am. Lately, it’s usually 25-27 years old. Most people are surprised when I tell them I’m 32 and I have a 12 year old daughter.

I feel like I can look more youthful with my “new body.” I’m dressing in more age-appropriate clothing (since I’m not limited by juvenile “youth plus” or the mature fashions in the women’s department (that I shouldn’t have to wear for a few decades). Before surgery, I was wearing 28/30 size jeans. Now I’m in size 18 jeans, and even smaller in stretchy activewear. In the picture I’m wearing here, I’m in a 14/16 yoga pant and a men’s large jacket. I’m starting to pick around and try on fashions in XXL and XL sizes in the “regular” women’s department, instead of being limited to the plus size racks.

As I’ve dropped weight and I’m dressing more my style, I am getting a lot of attention on my appearance. After years of feeling like I was either ignored or shunned for being morbidly obese, it’s fun to be closer to average-size. I’ve been blessed with great features (especially my hair and eyes), so even at my highest weight I got compliments. But now I get them every day, and from people who probably would never have talked to me before. I’ve noticed men being more gentlemanly, flirtatious and chivalrous, and women warm up to me in conversation more quickly. I’m enjoying the barriers that are diminishing in my social life.

As much as I’m lapping up the attention, I’m also conflicted at times by it. The compliments I’m getting about my body are exciting, but I’m noticing people are more complimentary in general. I get kind comments on my professional talents and more praise on the projects I accomplish. I feel like I’m working as hard as I ever was, but I get more attention for it. The horrible assumption that “fat = lazy” has become more prevalent as I drop pounds and I’m suddenly not considered lazy anymore. Surgery didn’t magically make me a go-getter…I’ve always been one.

I’ve had some fun non-scale victories lately, and one of them is having the confidence to be fun and playful on camera. I went to an event this week hosted by KSL 5 Television, and was able to tour and goof off in the studio. I took a lot of pictures with my friends, and I wasn’t always concerned about the angle I was standing at, or if the way my head was tilted gave me a double chin.

I was given the opportunity to be interviewed on a segment about children and online safety on KSL yesterday. Had I not lost the weight, I would have let the opportunity pass by. But with my increased confidence with my weight loss, I accepted in a heartbeat. I was excited to be on camera, and my worries about the segment were limited to what I’d look best in on camera. If you’d like to watch the segment, here it is:

Last week, my family returned from a 8 days in England and Ireland. I was able to fully enjoy the trip, including the days where we walked around the city for 10 hours. I’ll be writing a post about my experiences in London this weekend.

Filed Under: weight loss · Tagged With: comparison pictures, emotional evolution, post-op, weight loss

Frequently Asked Questions About My Gastric Bypass Surgery

September 30, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 13 Comments

It’s been seven months since I went under the knife for my gastric bypass surgery. My life has changed in so many ways. I’ve lost over 100 pounds, my eating habits are different, I am more active, and I’m in better health than I’ve been for a long time.

I’ve been grateful for all of the support I’ve had through these months of change and transition. Writing on this blog has been very therapeutic, and I’ve been excited about the friendships I’ve made through sharing about my journey publicly. But after all these months….I don’t feel like my everyday existence is very strange or unique as a weight loss surgery patient. I don’t really have as much to write about, and sometimes I’m not sure what people want me to write about. I decided to do a Frequently Asked Questions post, since I get a lot of questions on a daily basis.

How long had you been considering weight loss surgery? Were you looking into any other surgeries besides gastric bypass? Yes, I also considered the Lap Band and a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. Deciding to have weight loss surgery was a multi-year process. I began researching they different types of weight loss surgery in 2008. For a while I was thinking about doing the lap band. But after a few friends of mine had bad experiences with their lap bands, I was less interested in it. I read some older posts from a favorite blogger of mine, and she gave a lot of information about her experience with gastric bypass. I was encouraged by her long-term success with it, and decided it was time to consult a bariatric surgeon.

I went to the mandatory informational session at my surgeon’s office at the beginning of 2011. My intention to pursue Roux-en-Y gastric bypass (RNY), but began considering the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG). By the time I met with Dr Smith to discuss my options, I was fairly certain that I wanted the VSG. We talked about the pros and cons of each procedure, and his recommendation was that I do the RNY. He said my weight loss would probably happen faster and it would give a better physiological results. I trusted his recommendation for me and decided to go with the bypass.

What food has made you the most ill since surgery? My food tolerances have varied a lot over the last 8 months. It’s hard to know when a food that I’ve had no problem with in the past will make me miserable the next time I eat it. The worst offender for me is applesauce. Even though it had no sugar added, it causes dumping syndrome. I’ve had two experiences eating it that I never want to repeat. I was nauseous, shaky, dizzy, and broke out in a cold sweat. The other things that have made me super sick are grilled shrimp, scrambled eggs, and iceberg lettuce.

When was the first time you looked in the mirror and thought “Wow, I look skinny!”? I haven’t had a lot of “WOW!” moments with myself, but I recently had that moment looking at a picture. About two weeks ago, my office manager took a picture of me with my awesome coworker Suzanne before a work retreat. She showed it to us to make sure it was acceptable to post on Facebook, and I couldn’t believe how good I looked. I got so many supportive comments on the picture on Facebook…but I felt bad that I was the one getting all the attention on it. But I have to admit, I REALLY like how my body looks in it.

What foods do you eat these days? I have a pretty good variety foods that I regularly eat, but I’m still restricted on breads, pasta, tortillas, and simple carbs. Some veggies, like celery, I can only tolerate if de-stringed and cooked. If something is breaded, like fish sticks, I will peel off the breading. These are my current favorites:

Hummus and carrot chips
String cheese and Tillamook medium cheddar
Sauteed mushrooms and zucchini
Curry with meat and veggies, no rice
Teriyaki steak
Soup
Toppings off of pizza (cheese, sauce, meat, veggies)
Deli-style chicken salad and crab salad
Watermelon, blueberries, strawberries
Turkey jerky
Dannon Light-n-Fit Greek yogurt with PB2 (only Greek yogurt I can tolerate)

What have you done with all of your clothes that are too big? I’ve got a big box of clothes in the top of my closet that are too big. And I wait to put the clothes into the box until they’re hopelessly too big for me. I’ve passed on some to people in my hospital support group, but now a lot of people are smaller than I am. I’ve meant to take them to the plus-size consignment shop in SLC, but I haven’t ever made an appointment to do some. Some items I want to list on eBay. But I’m open to giving them away to a good home. Most are size 22-30.

Why did you decide to write about your surgery experience so publicly? I knew that the surgery process would be difficult, and I wanted to have a good support network. I anticipated getting a lot of questions about what was happening with me and my body, and I figured that I’d probably have to repeat myself less often if my friends had a place to get the information publicly.

Also, I hadn’t found a lot of weight loss surgery blogs at the time I started Beauty and the Bypass. In a lot of cases, the posts I read seemed a little too…unrealistic. Of course, reading about significant weight loss is interesting and inspiring, but not very many blogs went into the emotional impact of the surgery. Even though it’s been hard to personally open up about the emotional and mental aspects as a weight loss surgery patient, I don’t regret it. Much. A few times I’ve felt overexposed and wished that I hadn’t written so candidly.

I’ve connected with many other WLS bloggers through my online support groups like Bariatric Bad Girls Club. I discuss a lot of the emotional issues there, instead of blogging about all of them. Because support groups exist, I think that’s why there aren’t as many bloggers writing about those issues.

What is your greatest regret? With how much my life has changed in such a relatively short time, I wish that I wouldn’t have put off having surgery for so long. I had so many weight-related health problems, and was miserable with my body. If I would have had surgery 2 years earlier, I wouldn’t have “dieted” up my weight so high. Then again, I gained 75 pounds in the time that I was considering surgery, and it took those feelings of desperation to push me over the edge to go for the surgery.

Who/what/where did you “turn to” when you felt on the brink of failure? My husband has been an amazing support to me, and I turn to him most often. I’ve turned to my daughter, who posesses incredible maturity and instincts to know how to help me when I felt too pathetic to ask for her help. I have prayed many time for strength, health, and courage. I’ve relied on my friends and family, both online and offline. I ask for help in my support groups.

If you could go back to your first meeting with your surgeon, what would be the top 5 or 10 questions you would ask him? Honestly, I felt very prepared and informed by the time I first met with Dr Smith. But the main thing that I wish I’d known before surgery was that I couldn’t take NSAIDs after surgery. I didn’t know until I was being released from the hospital and they told me in my discharge instructions. I’ve relied on ibuprofen for pain relief for most of my adult life, and not being able to take it has been difficult. If I would have known about NSAIDs before surgery, I think I would have opted for the VSG. I also wish I would have talked to him about hair loss, fatigue, and adequate protein intake.

If there’s a question about my surgery experience that I haven’t talked about, you can ask about it in the comments. I will do a follow-up post at some point.

Filed Under: surgery · Tagged With: FAQs, gastric bypass, weight loss surgery

Six Month Update – 100 Pounds

August 26, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 10 Comments

August marked my 6-month mark since gastric bypass surgery. August also marked my biggest milestone yet – hitting 100 pounds lost. I was stuck at a plateau for over 3 weeks, varying between 96-99 pounds lost, and I finally hit 100 pounds. I can’t tell you how excited I am.

Last week I pulled out my pre-op jeans. They are size 28/30 elastic-waist stretch jeans that I wore to and from the hospital for surgery. They used to be a tight fight, especially on my belly and calves. Now I wear a 20/22 jean. I’m still wearing “plus size” clothes, and it’s been interesting to see that losing 100 pounds hasn’t made me drop clothing sizes as quickly as I expected. But I think the next 100 pounds will be where the big size/shape changes happen.

Since surgery, I’ve lost the following amounts on my body measurements

Neck -2.25″
Bust -8″
Chest -8″
Waist -11″
Hip -14″
Thigh -6.5″
Calf -3.5″
Ankle -2″
Upper arm -3″
Wrist -2″

I’ve noticed a reduction in joint pain, sleep apnea symptoms, circulation problems, and back pain. I feel more “mobile” – it’s easier to fit into chairs with arms, I have more stamina for physical activity, and I find myself more willing to try new things. When I was in New York City a few weeks ago, I did LOTS of walking. Several miles a day. I walked enough to wear myself out and get blisters all over my feet…and it felt great!

It feels like I’m used to my life as a weight loss surgery patient. I’m more intuitive with my body’s signals and am better and respecting its limitations. The two ongoing struggles I have are with fatigue and hair loss. Luckily, the hair loss has diminished, and it’s only slightly worse than “normal.” I have patches that are thinner than I’m comfortable with, but it doesn’t freak me out every time I run a brush through my hair.

I don’t know when the fatigue will improve. I’ve upped my protein intake and doses of vitamin B12 and D. I also resumed taking Provigil, which helps with my daytime sleepiness from sleep apnea. Some days I’m fine, other days I can hardly make it through the workday.

While 100 pounds is a significant accomplishment, my journey is far from over. I’m still 100 pounds overweight. I know that the next hundred will not come off as quickly or easily as the first hundred, and it’s possible I may stall out and my body won’t let me get to my goal weight. But I have hope. I am grateful for what I’ve been able to do for my health, and am grateful for all of the support I’ve received along the way.

Filed Under: weight loss · Tagged With: gastric bypass, milestones, weight loss

Good Carbs Vs Bad Carbs Infographic

July 16, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 1 Comment

Via: Online-nutrition-degrees.com

Are carbs good for you or bad for you? The simple answer is there are good carbs and bad carbs. This infographic was created by my coworker Joseph and it gives some helpful information. I love how it turned out so I wanted to share it.

Since I had my gastric bypass, I’ve been paying a lot more attention to carbohydrate counts. Carbs aren’t just in bread, pasta, and rice. They’re in fruit, vegetables, dairy products, and many other edible items. My ideal diet ratio is 70% protein and 30% vegetables, and most simple carbohydrates are to be avoided during the first year after surgery. My body is very sensitive to sugar and foods with a high glycemic index. This infographic is a good reminder for me to be mindful of the carbs I do eat.

Filed Under: health · Tagged With: carbs, good carbs, nutrition

Hair Loss After Gastric Bypass

July 9, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 14 Comments

My body has gone through a lot of changes since surgery. One of the toughest things for my self image has been the hair loss. I’m not going bald by any means, and I know that it could be a lot worse…but I really don’t like how much scalp I’m showing these days.

There are a few reasons why hair loss happens after surgery. It can be a result of the trauma of surgery, from the anesthesia, or from nutritional deficiencies. For most people, there is a delay of 2-9 months before the thinning occurs. I started noticing it around the 3 month mark. At 5 months, it’s even more pronounced. Also, the texture of my hair has changed. It’s less shiny and more coarse.

Everytime I brush my hair, or run my fingers through my hair, I have strands come loose. The loss appears even more dramatic with my hair being so long (about halfway down my back). If I run my hand across a surface (such as my bed or desk at work), the stray hairs are there too. The most breakage and loss happens near the front of my head, so I’ve had to find creative ways to part my hair and pin my bangs so it’s less noticeable.

There’s no magic cure for the hair loss, but I’ve upped my protein intake, started taking biotin, and switched to higher quality, less damaging hair products. I have been heat-styling less, which means it’s up in a loose bun most days. I avoid tight ponytails so I don’t lose extra hair from the elastics.

One of the common debates I hear about weight loss surgery is health vs vanity/beauty. My primary reason for having weight loss surgery was to improve my health, but there definitely was an element of vanity to it. Of course I want to appear more trim and attractive. But I feel conflicted about complaining about my hair loss because it IS vain. I’d rather have thin hair and a healthy body, but it is a tough adjustment.

Luckily, almost all post-operative hair loss will improve after time. As tempted as I’ve been to grab a box of Minoxidil at the drug store, I know I need to be patient with my body and wait it out. Unless I point it out, most people don’t notice the hair loss….but they do notice the 85 pounds I’ve lost.

Filed Under: health · Tagged With: gastric bypass, hair loss

I’ve Become A Picky Eater

July 1, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 5 Comments

One of the reasons I have been obese most of my life is because, well, I love food. Who doesn’t? I’ve always had a pretty exotic palate and have loved trying new things. Before surgery, even when I didn’t like something, I’d usually eat it. Now…I (inconspicuously) spit things out.

I still like to eat, but it’s not as satisfying as it was. When I was in North Carolina last week for Type A Parent Conference, I realized how picky I was compared to other people.

Take these enchiladas – I ordered them because shredded beef in sauce is usually pretty tolerated in my pouch. But I didn’t eat the pico de gallo on top (can’t eat uncooked onions, tomatoes weren’t ripe enough), ate the guacamole, fished some beef out of the enchiladas, but left the tortillas. I poked around my plate a lot. I maybe ate 20% of the food I was served, and didn’t bring any leftovers with me, for two reasons 1) No fridge in my hotel, 2) Leftovers almost always make me sick (especially leftover meat.)

Some restaurants are easier to order at than others. I went to Cheesecake Factory about a month ago, and only found 2 items in their expansive 26-page menu that I could tolerate. And again, I picked around my plate and barely made a dent in the gigantic portion. My go-to restaurant items are soup or maybe a side of meat. I watch other people eat with mixed feelings – some jealousy that they can eat things I can’t eat anymore, but it reminds me of the portions I used to consume. I also get a lot of apologies – “Sorry I’m eating something you can’t eat” or “Will this make you sad if I eat this in front of you?”

Eating at home is hard too. I feel like I have to put so much thought into my food choices, and can’t just make decisions on the spot. My husband and I often have this conversation in the morning when he wants to get me something for breakfast.

Do you want me to make you a smoothie?
No.
How about some yogurt?
Meh, no.
Do you want eggs?
Ugh no. I’m not in the mood to vomit.
Geez, you’ve gotten so hard to make breakfast for.

We also are now sharing a fridge with my family (since we moved into my parents basement) and there’s not as much space for our food selections. Or things get accidentally eaten. Also, instead of being 3 blocks from the grocery store, we’re about 5 miles. It sometimes feels easier to just not eat than go shopping.

My meals are supposed to be be 70% protein, 30% vegetables. But I don’t always get the ratio right every meal. My lunch the other day was a few slices of Mocetta beef, a couple of pistachios, a couple of carrot chips, and some watermelon. It’s been so nice to add some fresh veggies and fruit back into my diet, but they don’t always stay down. I’ve been craving salads, but my attempts at fresh romaine lettuce and baby spinach have been quite uncomfortable.

Despite the small portions, my weight loss hasn’t been exceptionally impressive. I spent a few weeks hovering between 298 and 301, and I was getting frustrated. Yesterday I was at 295, and I hope to leave the 290s behind very soon. Still, it’s hard to be upset about losing 78 pounds in less than 5 months.

Filed Under: food diary · Tagged With: favorite foods, food diary, picky eater

Harder Than Expected

June 17, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 5 Comments

Over and over, I’ve heard people say some iteration of this idea: “Having weight loss surgery is taking the easy way out.” But I’m here to tell you – it’s tough. Life as a weight loss surgery patient has been much more difficult than I expected.

The last six weeks have been hard. Knock my socks off difficult. Throw in the towel tough. Along with the surgery-type challenges, there have been a lot of other situational stresses to deal with.

The biggest recent obstacle has been our family’s move. It’s stressful to move for everyone, and even when you have people helping you, it’s a big undertaking. I’ve moved six times in the last six years. I feel like I should be a pro mover at this point, but I seem to get more anxious with every moving experience. With the ongoing fatigue I’ve had, I felt my capacity to get things done was a drop in the bucket. My husband was the rockstar of the move, packing and lifting far more boxes than I did.

The day we packed up the moving truck, I had a box springs mattress whack me in the head. It had been leaning against the wall, but it lost balance and landed on me as I was sitting on the floor. The wooden frame got me pretty good and knocked me out. I probably should have been checked out for a concussion, but I was too worried about moving. I worked through the dizziness because I felt like I had no other choice. The swelling from the hit eventually gave me a bruised eye socket.

And what happened the day after we moved into the new place? The sewer backed up. We were lucky that none of our personal belongs were ruined with the flood, but had to leave for a few days so crews could clean up, tear out carpet, and let things air out. Staying in a hotel right after a move wasn’t exactly restful. We’re glad to be back in our new home.

What else? I’ve been at my new job for a few weeks, and I really like it, but I feel like the fatigue I’ve felt recently is making me far less efficient than normal. It’s harder to focus and make it through the weekday. I thought that I’d feel more energetic at this weight.

Speaking of weight, I’ve been in a plateau for a few weeks. I was SO excited when I got under 300. But it’s been bouncing between 301.5 and 298.0 for over 2 weeks. At 298.0, I was officially 75.3 pounds down. Hopefully now that the move is over, I’ll be able to get into a better groove with my weigh loss. I haven’t been exercising much, and I am ready to have the strength to do so.

I’ve got an appointment with Dr. Smith tomorrow. I’m hoping to get some answers why I’m so tired. My guess is that I’ve got some nutritional deficiencies. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety, which seems to hit me hard every summer, so it might be time to switch up some medications.

A few people have asked me this week “Do you regret having the surgery?” I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings because I have had some complications and obstacles, but I don’t regret it. It’s given me the ability to make better decisions for my health. My body looks better than it has in several years, and I’m pleased with the results so far. I need to be patient with myself to keep doing the right things for my health. I haven’t been perfect with my eating habits, and it’s hard to overcome the temptations to use food as a crutch when things are hard. The difference is that surgery has given me a good tool to limit my ability to eat when I succumb to food to cope. If I’d been able to eat like a “normal person” through the last few weeks of the move, I probably would have gained 10 or more pounds. Instead, I’ve been bobbing between the same 3 pounds. I know I’m in a rough spot, but I also know it’s temporary. I just need to keep taking life one step at a time.

Filed Under: health · Tagged With: fatigue, gastric bypass, weight loss surgery

Hibernation

May 27, 2012 by Nicole Bullock · 11 Comments

Every day since surgery, I’ve dealt with challenges. Usually the challenges are related to my body and the things that I can eat. Lately, it’s been a much more difficult battle mentally.

My body has changed a lot over the last 4 months. I’ve been through major surgery, I’ve dropped a lot of weight, I’ve likely had some nutritional deficiencies, and all these changes take a toll.

Before surgery, I was given “the Bible” from my surgeon’s office. It’s a comprehensive binder full of information with food lists, side effects, warning signs, and facts about the different post-op stages. I read portions of the book daily for the first few weeks, but hadn’t picked it up for a while.

There is a phenomena called “hibernation syndrome” that is really common with gastric bypass patients. Patients are going through so many changes, and the body is getting used to far less food intake, and it causes fatigue and depression. People don’t feel like going out of the home or interacting with other people as much. It usually hits patients within the first few weeks after surgery, and gets better after about the 6 week mark. I didn’t really notice it at that point in time, but the last 3 weeks I’ve felt a lot different. I feel exhausted all the time, have been sleeping more, exercising less, and don’t feel like doing much. I don’t know if it’s directly surgery-related, or just due to other stress in my life.

I am going through a transition phase currently. I ended one job, started a new job, and I’m preparing to move. So far I really like my new job – I think it’s a great fit, and I like the work that I’ll be doing. But there is always some anxiety about starting a new job and being “the new person”. I’m also a bit stressed because one of the perks of the job is a well-stocked fridge of drinks and a cupboard of treats and snacks. There are some “good” things that I can have, but there’s a lot of stuff I have to avoid. It will take a lot of will-power to avoid the foods that I know I shouldn’t have, but tempt me just because they are THERE. I’ve stocked my desk with some “safe” items that should satisfy me when the office treats are calling my name.

As for moving, we’re getting ready to move from our apartment in the Salt Lake valley into my parents’ basement in Lehi. It will be closer to work, which will be nice, but further from the city and airport (where I usually am at some point each week). It will be an adjustment to living in such close proximity to my parents and brother. However, it will help us tremendously financially. We’ve on a bunch of payment plans for my medical bills, in addition to all of our other monthly expenses and student loans. We’ll be able to position ourselves much better financially, but it will be a difficult loss of independence.

In happy news, I hit the 70 pound loss mark. I’m at 302.5, which is the least I’ve weighed since I lived in Atlanta in 2009. At that point in time, it was the most I’d ever weighed. I went on a pretty intense weight loss plan that didn’t yield a lot of weight loss, but instead threw my metabolism off for months. Pretty soon I’ll be to my “Michigan weight,” then my “California weight” and then to the weight I was when I married Taylor. Today he told me that when I get below 200, he’s taking me to Hawaii. Sounds like a great deal to me!

Forgive me if my posts are less frequent then usual, it’s been really hard for me to even turn on the computer. Once I’m off work, the last thing I want to do lately is get back on the computer. It’s a tough trade-off since most of my biggest supporters are online.

Hopefully this fatigue “hibernation” slump will be temporary. I’m going to make an appointment to see my surgeon and get my lab work done. If I can feel better just by figuring out if I’m deficient in a nutrient or two, it might explain why I’ve been so darn tired lately.

Filed Under: Introspection · Tagged With: fatigue, hibernation syndrome, weight loss, weight loss surgery