I know that I look at myself in the mirror more than anyone else looks at me. And I think the way I look at myself is more critical than others would criticize. I don’t consider myself overly-narcissistic (only a little narcissistic 🙂 ), but I often wonder if other people are noticing my weight loss. Several times over the last few weeks, I’ve asked myself, “When do people start noticing?” Thirty pounds? Forty pounds?”
Two weeks ago when I went to Portland, I was traveling with my friend Chris, who I hadn’t seen since Christmas time. He was teasing me for my packed lunch of 2 ounces of lunch meat, string cheese, yogurt, and other bypass-friendly items. We talked a lot about my surgery, but I was curious if he could SEE a difference. I stood in front of him I flat out asked him “Can you tell a difference in my body yet?”, he said “Not really, I just look at you and know it’s you.” At that point I’d lost 30 pounds, and was hoping he would give some kind of raving compliment, but he didn’t. And it isn’t his fault that he didn’t see it. But it felt like a little bit of a let down.
But then again, there are people who seem to notice every little change in my body and give me lots of verbal encouragement. My coworker Nick has this crazy gift of guessing how much weight I’ve lost…”So Nicole, you’ve lost about 35 pounds now, right?” And he’s ALWAYS right, it’s uncanny.
With how active I am in social media, I usually have at least one event per week that I attend. This week I went to Social Commerce Exchange, and saw a few friends I haven’t seen since before surgery. One walked into the room, and I stood up from my chair, and he said “Wow, Nicole, you look gooood!” Getting these types of compliments really make me smile, and give me some validation for all the hard work I’ve put into my weight loss. It also helps alleviate some of the social anxiety I have developed in the last few years as my weight spiraled out of control.
I think one of the things that makes it hard for others to notice the weight loss is my lack of muscle tone. I’m losing weight, but I’ve also lost my muscles, especially in my abdomen. If I wear tight clothes that hold me in a bit, you can see my loss much better. But since I spent so much time in bed over the last 6 weeks, and have only walked for exercise, I’m getting anxious to get my muscles toned. I’m going to start some weight training next week…my arms are in desperate need to lose some jiggle.
I went to City Creek Center, the new mall in Salt Lake City, twice this week to walk, window shop, and wander. I’ve found that it’s much easier for me to get in a good walk when there are interesting surroundings, which is why treadmills typically are not my favorite way to get in a walk. As I was about to walk across Main Street, a sweet girl came up to me and asked, “Are you Nicole? I read your blog, and I just want to tell you that you look amazing!” She was someone who is an online acquaintance, and we talked a little bit. She said she loves to read my posts, but doesn’t usually comment. I was happy that she stopped me to talk, because I otherwise wouldn’t have known that she read my blog.
I weighed in this weekend, and I’m at 333.1. I’ve finally hit the 40 pound mark! This is a big step for me because I’ve tried to lose weight in so many ways, but the weight loss typically putters out around 25-35 pounds. I’ve never been able to lose more than 40 (except when I lost 50 pounds and I got rid of an ex-husband at the same time). I told myself that I would celebrate my 40 pound mark with a new pair of jeans. I love getting new clothes, but I’ve kept my purchases to a minimum because I’m changing sizes so rapidly.
Tonight I had a little extra time, so I went over to Lane Bryant to try on some jeans. I bought a pair of 26s a few weeks ago, but they’re already looking too baggy on me. LB has a line called T3 jeans that help tighten your tummy. I tried on several pairs of 24s and 22s…and the 22s fit! I totally jumped a size in jeans! They’re a bit too tight in the calves, but hopefully the jeans will stretch or my calves will shrink.
40 pounds feels like such an exciting accomplishment, I can only imagine how the other milestones will feel!